Naturally Mama.

From one natural mama to another…

Breastfeeding woes. October 25, 2010

Yesterday was a rough day, in terms of breastfeeding. Sometimes I begin to feel tremendous guilt for supplementing with formula. I’m always feeling the need to defend myself… even to myself. When I’m evaluating the whole situation, I feel it’s all happening because I am not doing enough- even though I can’t think of much more that I can do. Sometimes I feel there must be something going on with my baby- his latch, ability to ’empty’ my breast, reflux… something. Most days, I feel like there must be something wrong with my body. I tell myself hurtful things like ‘It’s my fault’… ‘I cant even nourish my own baby!’… ‘He wouldn’t have reflux/gas/discomfort/etc. if I could just exclusively breastfeed him’… ‘If you would take better care of yourself- eat right, drink more water, eat more of this, less of that’…

I know that to guilt and shame is going to do me no good, but breastfeeding pretty much consumes me. And when I can’t do something that nature says all women can do except under rare extenuating circumstances, it feels terrible. When I know 1/2 to 2/3 of my baby’s diet is garbage, I feel completely responsible and extremely disappointed in myself. An outsider can (and has) come in and tell me I’m doing everything that I can… that it’s not my fault… and my first thought is that either they’re only trying to make me feel better, or that in my situation they would have already given up hope and chalked it up to ‘Oh well, I tried…’ so why should I listen to them?

I want nothing more than to give my baby a diet of purely breast milk. Why can’t I give it to him?

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